This month we are highlighting The Cancer Journey Institute’s value called Soulful Heart. In light of that, I am moved to share with you the recent loss of my darling dad.
“Hi Poppy, it’s Keri!” I said as I took his hand. His eyes wouldn’t open, and he could no longer speak. But his mouth moved in greeting, simultaneously lifting and breaking my heart. He knew I was there and I’d made it in time to hold his sweet hand. I had time to tell him how much I love him. What a good dad he has been. That it’s okay to go. I sang to him. Hugged him. Confided in him. All the while, holding his sweet hand.
My sister, the youngest of his three girls, arrived two days later. We both knew he was waiting for her. While she held one hand, I held the other. We FaceTimed our other sister. Each of us telling him we’d be okay. He’d done a fantastic job. I could feel the celebration and joy waiting to welcome him on the other side, and I told him that, too. He transitioned later that night.
A deep peace came over me the following night when I got into bed. It felt like I was being held and comforted. I knew it was my dad in his Soul essence: beautiful, joyous, and free. So sweet and loving, much as my dad was in life, only more so. His love was no longer encumbered by a physical vessel; it felt solid, pure, and unbridled. Now, more than a month since he passed, I can still feel this love when I slow down. A love that is outside of space and time. It’s a bittersweet experience as I grieve. I’ve lost him, yet it’s almost as if I have more of him now than I ever did.
It can be difficult to sense and embrace this kind of love: unconditional, beyond reason, for no reason at all. Fortunately, and unfortunately, it’s not only the opportunity, but also the call of Cancer and why CJI has a value named Soulful Heart: the invitation to slow down and sense the love that is always there for you, whether or not you choose to receive it. So, why wait another moment? Stop right now. Put your hand on your heart, breathe, and let some in.
With love,
Keri
